What would be a surefire way to be run off the road, chased by a rabid maniac with a vendetta against bad contemporary art? Drive the Jeff Koons-designed 2010 BMW M3 GT2 art car. Now you don’t even have to be a part of the 1% to make art enthusiasts with strong opinions wild with fury this holiday season — just buy them the scale model of Koon’s flashy car.
Beginning in 1975 with Alexander Calder, BMW has worked with artists from Lichtenstein to Warhol to Jenny Holzer to create one-of-a-kind art cars. While I can’t say I’m a huge fan of the art cars in general or know anything at all about customized cars other than what I’ve absorbed from wonderfully trashy 1960s films (yes, Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill! can be an educational resource), Jeff Koons’s contribution seems like one of the most hideous.
With the racing stripes all over the body of the car, a cartoonish explosion and flying amoebic blobs of color, the car barely even looks like a Jeff Koons work, which, despite my distaste for Koons’s work, is not a compliment. Frankly, driving in one of Koons’s balloon dogs seems like a more dignified mode of transportation. At least it wouldn’t look like riding inside a troubled child’s drawing of their first psychedelic experience.
Just in time, the newly released scale model provides the option of ruining someone’s holiday. Imagine ripping open layers of wrapping paper to find this faith-shattering and almost tragic piece of contemporary art. I can almost hear the screams of horror, sighs of disappointment and the tone of fake gratitude now. Not that everyone would hate getting a model of Koons’s car, this would be a perfect gift for Larry Gagosian, Dakis Joannou or the New Museum.
For me if I were to open this present, I think my response would be probably best articulated by Dawn Davenport’s reaction to receiving sensible flats rather than cha-cha heels in John Water’s Female Trouble.
Tip: Better secure that Christmas tree if you plan on buying me a Koons-mobile for the holidays.
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