Grossmalerman

Post image for Reliving the Hyperallergic Aqua Art Party Bedlam

MIAMI BEACH — I don’t need to tell YOU this, but to go to the Hyperallergic Aqua Art Miami party is like entering a topsy-turvy world where black is white, up is down, left is right but sometimes down, too. My point is that Hyperallergic parties can be strange.

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Post image for I Will Follow the Rules: Grossmalerman, Party Photographer

Last week I was asked by the editors at Hyperallergic to fly to Miami and document the attendees at their Aqua Art Miami party. Of course, at first I was insulted and hung up on them.

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Post image for Invaluable Grossmalerman Tips on Art Openings

You know, speaking of the Fall Openings Season, students often ask me whether there is any particular etiquette regarding how an artist should behave at openings.

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Post image for I Will Not Fall in Love With the New Gallery Assistant

How is this possible? I had every intention of turning off my “sexy radar” and avoiding another love crisis. Especially after the last gallery assistant made such a show of her capriciousness. But what am I to do? The heart wants what the heart wants and my heart is no different than anyone else’s heart in as much as it wants what it wants too, only a good deal more so.

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Post image for So You Say You Want A Gallery

Whenever I do a grad school visit, the question I’m most often asked is “How do I get a gallery?” It’s never “Oh! How are you Mr. Grossmalerman?” or “ Would you like to feel how soft my freshly washed hair is?” No! It’s always “How do I get a gallery?” So, by this anecdotal evidence I’m simply going to have to assume that this question weighs heavily on the minds of the young artist. I mean, I suppose you do have to ask yourself “What good is an artist without a gallery?” Not much!

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Post image for Boy, Could I Use Some Studio Practice Advice

I would first like to make it very clear that I am not writing this out of jealousy or any sort of hot gay sex envy. Alright? Now, with that out of the way.

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Post image for The Case of the Vanishing Grossmalerman, Part 2

After a long night of questionably consensual love making with a dead-eyed heavily accented spectre I was awoken by the ship’s steward.

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Post image for The Case of the Vanishing Grossmalerman, Part 1

Well, did I ever have an exciting and downright adventurous Armory week!

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Articles

The Best Paint Ever

by Grossmalerman on March 4, 2013

Post image for The Best Paint Ever

Recently, I stumbled into a post opening party where a number of fellow painters were squabbling over the the age old question of which paint tastes the best. If you’re not a painter you may not be aware of this long running argument. But, I suppose every subculture has it’s points of contention.

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Articles

Intern Wanted

by Grossmalerman on February 22, 2013

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I would like to begin by thanking Hyperallergic for allowing me to reach out to their readership about this exciting opportunity. I, Jonathan Grossmalerman, am looking for a new studio assistant.

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