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Bill Woodrow, “Listening to History” (1995), taken by Flickruser nostri-imago (via Flickr.com/nostri-imago)

Hello, my beloved art world. I am back again, by popular demand, to deliver to you those lovely phrases that we all utter amongst our boastful, arrogant, self-involved, art-loving selves.

This new fall season, as we shuffle past the Fashion Week stages we all know we’re better than, I still find us focused on booze, sleeping around, and complaining of the heat resonating from our artists’ egos.

Guy 1: “What’s happening tonight?”
Guy 2: “I don’t know. Nick Cave?”
Guy 1: “Doesn’t he have an opening every fall at Shainman? What has he produced in a year I haven’t seen?”
— on a bus on 23rd Street, Chelsea, Manhattan

“Maybe I just need to go out more?”
— Todd Bienvenu opening at Life on Mars gallery, Bushwick, Brooklyn

“I’m stoned out of my mind, and I don’t know, I feel like all this art is attacking me.”
— Pierogi 20th Anniversary exhibition, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

“It is hotter than hades in here.”
— Pierogi 20th Anniversary exhibition, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Girl: “His piece is the best!”
Guy: “Yeah, just ask him.”
— Pierogi 20th-anniversary exhibition, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

“Come to an opening in Brooklyn, it’s like 100 degrees; come to an opening in Manhattan, and there are no bathrooms. I’m over it. OVER IT!”
Post-speculation opening at P! gallery

“And it smells like hell.”
—  Post-speculation opening at P! gallery

Girl 1: “She slept with an Asian last night.”
Girl 2: “On purpose?”
— Roxy Paine opening at Marianne Boesky, Chelsea, Manhattan

“Girl, you have your own Foursquare check-in, don’t you?”
— Roxy Paine opening at Marianne Boesky, Chelsea, Manhattan

“I can’t overhear anyone in here, they’re all speaking Mandarin.”
— Ai Weiwei Chambers Fine Art opening

“I like this show, but why is it empty in here? Should I not like this show?
— Jonathan Monk opening at Casey Kaplan

“Well I guess that was his wife with him, since he usually stops and talks all over me.”
— Agnieszka Kurant opening at Tanya Banakdar gallery, Chelsea, Manhattan

Guy: “I’m having an art crisis.”
Guy’s friend: “What other kind of crisis is there?”
— Liu Bolin opening at Sun Klein gallery, Chelsea, Manhattan

“Screw charity, I need to do the ice bucket challenge immediately, it’s so hot.”
— Liu Bolin opening at Sun Klein gallery, Chelsea, Manhattan

Guy 1: “Let’s get a drink.”
Guy 2: “Let me just see this … ”
Guy 1: “The wine may run out, but the art is still gonna be here.”
— Fred Wilson opening at Pace Gallery, Chelsea, Manhattan

“I get it, you like black guys.”
— Adam Putnum opening at PPOW gallery, Chelsea, Manhattan

“I love the message, but I hate messengers.”
Slide, Slide, Slide opening at Microscope Gallery, Bushwick, Brooklyn

“I hated his work before you did.”
— in the hallway of 56 Bogart, Bushwick, Brooklyn

“Everyone just loves everyone too much.”
Any Size Mirror Is a Dictator opening at Momenta Art, Bushwick, Brooklyn

Woman to protesters: “You are not being respectful; I live right here.”
Protester to woman: “You’re not from New York, are you?”
— Anti-Koch protest in front of the Metropolitan Museum, Upper East Side, Manhattan

“Venison is gamey, but not as gamey as elk.”
— Cory Arcangel’s Lake opening at Team Gallery, Soho, Manhattan

“Pink it, shrink it.”
— Cory Arcangel’s Lake opening at Team Gallery, Soho, Manhattan

“Maybe I just need to go out more?”
— Future Feminism opening at The Hole gallery, Lower East Side, Manhattan

“She is definitely not a feminist.”
Future Feminism opening at The Hole gallery, Lower East Side, Manhattan

“I’m so glad we didn’t go look at art tonight.”
— drunks walking out of of a bar on 23rd Street, Chelsea, Manhattan

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One reply on “Overheard in the Art World”

  1. Love it! Just wondering if it was the same person saying:
    “Maybe I just need to go out more?”
    At both spaces:
    — Future Feminism opening at The Hole gallery, Lower East Side, Manhattan
    — Todd Bienvenu opening at Life on Mars gallery, Bushwick, Brooklyn

Comments are closed.