Hyperallergic’s horoscopes offer astrological advice for artists and art types, in art terms, every month.
Aries (March 21–April 20)
Don’t be alarmed, but for the next month you will be in much the same situation as Museum of Modern Art curator Klaus Biesenbach. The sun is in your sign right now and, like the Björk exhibition debacle, has eclipsed all your other achievements and brought tension to your relationships. All you can do for now is stay the course, do damage control, and call on your best friend for support. Find your James Franco, Aries.
Taurus (April 21–May 21)
Things have been pretty stagnant for you lately, both in the studio and beyond, and you’re starting to wonder why you even bother when so much comes down to luck and chance. Maybe we’re all just formless, un-stretched Oscar Murillo canvases lying about on the floor, waiting for some sticky-fingered art lover (or flipper) to come along and give meaning to our lives. Don’t give up just yet, Taurus, your chocolate factory moment is just around the bend.
Gemini (May 22–June 21)
Now would be a good time to channel your inner Larry Gagosian, Gemini. You’ve had a fellow artist or dealer in your crosshairs for some time, you’ve watched him encroach on your territory, and now you must pull the trigger. This is the month for consolidating, upping production, absorbing competitors, and generally taking things to the next level by any means necessary. Just don’t get carried away and open a mediocre and overpriced sushi dungeon.
Cancer (June 22–July 22)
The world is your oyster this month, Cancer, and being that you are technically a crab, this puts you in a uniquely advantageous position. All the projects you undertake in April, whether romantic or professional, will succeed, so get those applications in for Frieze Week fairs, submit to open calls, do some grant writing, angle for a solo show with that gallery you’ve been eying. Just be aware that you’ll have to answer for your outsize influence in the coming months. You’re like a Will Ryman sculpture surrounded by Robert Ryman paintings: those who admire you for being more brash and charismatic than your peers right now might find you overblown and tacky next month, so stay humble.
Leo (July 23–August 22)
Get out of town, Leo. No, seriously, business is going to be slow at best, your friends and lovers will make you miserable this month, so unless you plan on going all Tracey Emin and turning a prolonged period of depression into an iconic artwork, you should get as far away as possible. Why not join the art market jet set as it migrates from São Paulo to Dallas, Cologne, and Montreal for this month’s fairs? Or how about a sojourn in the Emirates? We hear this year’s Sharjah Biennial is excellent. If the travel fund is low, at least do some plein air painting.
Virgo (August 23–September 23)
This might sound strange, Virgo, but this month you are the new Whitney Museum. Long-term projects will come smoothly to fruition, your supporters will all be there to cheer you on and champion your work, and even though a million trivial details will seem to prey on your attentions, as long as you stay focused you will prevail. The only catch is that in spite of your impending grand opening, you have to refrain from celebrating too hard. Even though you’re now surrounded by bars and supper clubs and Le Bain is just a hop, skip, and a climb up the High Line, you must party in moderation.
Libra (September 24–October 23)
To make it through this month, Libra, you’ll need to somehow make yourself like a Richard Serra steel maze. Outwardly, you must appear unassailable, because one of your colleagues is going to betray you. We can’t say who or how — perhaps they will leave unsightly (and metaphoric) footprints on your exterior, perhaps they will petition to have you removed entirely because they want you out of their way — but be on guard. Meanwhile, in romance and relationships you’ll need to be gentle and protective, like the interior chambers of Serra’s rusty labyrinths, if you’re going to make it out of this month in one piece.
Scorpio (October 24–November 22)
We realize you’re prone to sentimentality, Scorpio, but you need to keep your inner Jack Vettriano in check through May. Now’s the time to be brutally honest, with loved ones and yourself, and participate in some take-no-prisoners crits and portfolio reviews. Incidentally, did you know that in addition to his tacky and ubiquitous 1992 painting “The Singing Butler” and other similarly nostalgic kitsch, Vettriano does brisk business selling prints of porn-y, S&M-tinged, Eyes Wide Shut–meets–Mad Men erotica paintings? On second thought, this month, try nurturing that part of your inner Jack Vettriano.
Sagittarius (November 23–December 21)
Have you ever stared at a Leonardo Drew sculpture and imagined that all those little bits of wood pointing out at you are the swords and bayonets of an army charging at you? No? Well, that’s all we ever see in his works, but it’s going to be a lot less thrilling for you in April, Sagittarius, because at times it will feel like everyone is turning against you. Don’t let it get to you, and cheer up — you’re just reading aggression and intent onto an abstract assemblage of splinters and twigs; the only person who might spear you this month is you.
Capricorn (December 22–January 20)
Is there some new material, technique, or tool you’ve been wanting to try, some different sort of imagery you want to incorporate into your work? Now is the time to experiment. Curious about glass blowing? Give it a whirl! How would that one thing you’re really tired of painting photorealistically look if it were pixelated? Only one way to find out! Would your photos look better screenprinted? It’s worth a shot! Would your trademark type of sculpture look better covered in diamonds? Don’t even try it! We said it’s a good month for experimenting, Capricorn, not for bedazzling.
Aquarius (January 21–February 19)
We presume you heard about the seemingly infinite whirlpool of black water that Anish Kapoor recently created for the Kochi-Muziris Biennale, Aquarius. Unfortunately, you will feel like you are trapped in that brackish funnel for most of April, which will bring immense hardship in both your personal relationships and your professional endeavors. If you’ve been on the outs with a dealer, collector, or other champion of your work for a while, expect those ties to get cut permanently. But if you can hold your breath and steady yourself, you’ll withstand this month’s powerful undertow of negative energy and emerge on surer footing.
Pisces (February 20–March 20)
There’s still so much we can learn from classical Roman sculpture. And not just in terms of anatomical precision, allegorical fluency, or even its uncanny ability to imbue marble with inner life. We mean those gaudy colors the Romans used to paint their statues. Sometimes, Pisces, you gotta get all dolled up and go out there looking your best. Even when long-simmering disputes blow up in your face, as they most certainly will this month, take it in stride and keep moving in style.
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