Those of you going down to Miami for the art fairs in two weeks should brace yourselves for a hellish traffic nightmare — or, to use academic jargon (kissing cousins with artspeak), it will be a Borgesian non-event that is non-translatable into experience.
The Miami New Times is reporting that one of three main bridges between Miami Beach and the city of Miami, the Venetian Causeway, will be closed for art fair week.
While more art fairs than ever have clustered in Miami Beach, out-of-town visitors staying on that side will undoubtedly have difficulty getting to the private collections (Rubell, Margulies, de la Cruz) in Wynwood, not to mention Art Miami, the city’s many galleries and nonprofit spaces, and the adjacent Design District. And those on the Miami side should brace themselves for traffic woes if they plan to venture across Biscayne Bay to South Beach.
Sure, they’ll have a free trolley that will service the Beach-to-Miami route and a “Miami-Dade Art Express” bus to make up for some of the congestion (yeah, right), but generally we’re all doomed.
If you’re a responsible adult, you probably assumed the cities would’ve worked hard to avoid such a problem, especially considering that the art fairs form one of the major showcase weeks for the area. Well, as Miami New Times explains:
Earlier this year, the project’s contractor, GLF Construction, said it could get the Venetian finished in time for Basel — for an extra $4.7 million. Though Miami Beach Mayor Philip Levine pushed for the fast track, county officials balked at the price tag.
So, feel free to send a thank-you note to the elected officials of Miami-Dade County while you’re sitting in traffic, hoping you’ll only be an hour late for the 90-minute reception or opening.
In case you’re looking for something to do while in gridlock, here are four famous cinematic moments — sorry, I mean Borgesian non-events — for you to ponder.
Laurel and Hardy’s “Two Tars” (dir. James Parrott, 1928):
The opening scene of Federico Fellini’s 8 1/2 (1963):
Jean-Luc Godard’s Weekend (1963):
The opening scene of Office Space (dir. Mike Judge, 1999):
And here’s some info on the bus routes. Good luck!