Astrological Aesthetics: May 2016 Horoscopes

Hyperallergic’s horoscopes offer astrological advice for artists and art types, in art terms, every month.

Taurus (April 21–May 21)

When you look at a Louise Bourgeois spider sculpture, Taurus, what do you see? A strange, ominous form looming threateningly over you, or a protective creature offering to shelter and nurture you? Reviewing your chart this month, we’re guessing you fall in the former camp. You can’t let your phobias run your life, you have to confront and work through them or you’ll be left paralyzed — like someone stung by a female widow spider.

Gemini (May 22–June 21)

There’s genuine power in being nomadic, Gemini, and this month you need to tap that power. Whether you take inspiration from your favorite “based in New York, London, Dubai, Shanghai, and Los Angeles” artist or your local roving art nonprofit, act on your instincts and keep rolling this month. The stars are in your favor, so long as you keep moving from one opportunity to the next, outpacing your opponents. It’s much harder to hit a moving target.

Cancer (June 22–July 22)

It must be tough making a living as a pet portraitist in the era of smartphones and social media. Innumerable images of domestic animals are available at the tap of a button meowadays, but can any of those puppy pics and DIY LOLcats conjure the same aura of grandeur and dignity as, say, Carl Kahler’s “My Wife’s Lovers” (1893)? There’s a lesson here, Cancer, one about taking the time do things thoroughly rather than always rushing, because the results will invariably be more enduring. Or maybe the takeaway is that you should spend more time with your pets; their images may be around forever, but they won’t. Either way, life’s short, you know?

Leo (July 23–August 22)

It’s time for a provenance audit, Leo. A stellar collection isn’t worth a damn if its its records are shady or its sources are murky, and even one ill-gotten artwork can tarnish the reputations of the Old Masters resting up against it in the freeport of your choosing. The greatest museum collections and blockbuster single-owner auctions are not built on impeccable taste or bulk buying of market-tested names, as many would have you believe, but on rigorous research and extensive catalogue raisonné documentation. This has been a metaphor; now is an ideal time to make sure none of your friends or loved ones are fakes.

Virgo (August 23–September 23)

We’ll probably never say this again, so listen up: this month you should act like an auction house. You’re very humble and pragmatic, Virgo, which is all well and good, but sometimes you need to aim higher, do some chest-thumping, and chase a dream. Christie’s and Sotheby’s have gotten more and more ambitious (some would say outlandish) with their pre-sale estimates, pegging nine-figure prices on choice lots as a way to stoke interest. Talk yourself up, boost your image, and you’ll be rewarded with major advancements in your career — all the better to distract you from your romantic woes.

Libra (September 24–October 23)

Astrology is like a vast outdoor sculpture park, a veritable Storm King of strange creatures, an Inhotim of epic characters. Like sublime objects and structures spread across vast acreage, the constellations are strewn throughout the expanse of the heavens, their significance and symbolism only crystalizing when seen from certain angles or in specific sequences. Whoever curates your astrological sculpture garden in the sky did a poor job this month, Libra, because we have no idea how to advise you. But hey, the weather’s getting nice, maybe go to an art park?

Scorpio (October 24–November 22)

Imagine being Maurice Agis, the late creator of massive inflatable sculptures, now remembered chiefly for causing the deaths of two women when one of his colorful environments came unmoored. Your work’s not going to kill anyone, Scorpio, but maybe it’s time to reexamine the direction it’s taken lately. Whether or not you heed our cautionary words, before month’s end you’ll abruptly realize that you’ve been pursuing false leads in your practice. Best to reorient yourself before someone gets hurt.

Sagittarius (November 23–December 21)

What kind of art do you think Prince collected? We imagine a rainbow of collecting, beginning with androgynous, vaguely surreal, and extremely sexual art acquired between the late 1970s and early ’90s — think Egon Schiele meets Leonor Fini, but painted on satin — followed by a penchant for fantasy and science-fiction art from the mid ’90s through early aughts — Syd Mead, Lebbeus Woods, and the like, but with a dominant purple palette — and, following his conversion to a Jehovah’s Witness, a turn to kitschy works with heavy-handed religious iconography — think Thomas Kinkade on steroids. You shouldn’t judge people by any one of their possessions, Sagittarius; only by the full breadth of their accumulated goods can convey their complexity. Keep that in mind this month, or you’re going to offend someone who, admittedly, has a record of somewhat tacky taste.

Capricorn (December 22–January 20)

We hate to use Random International’s silly “Rain Room” spectacle as an analogy for anything, but your month will be a little like a malfunctioning version of that motion-sensor activated space. Your actions are going to have unintended consequences this month, so brace for some surprises, whether it’s rain clouds suddenly parting for you or against-the-odds domino effects resulting in absurd catastrophes, anything is possible. And speaking of surprises, if you’re in a relationship — spoiler alert — you will either be pregnant or engaged by the end of the month, or maybe both!

Aquarius (January 21–February 19)

Sometimes, Aquarius, relationships just need to end. Think, for instance, of the late architect Zaha Hadid‘s studio, which has stubbornly elected to continue designing buildings under her name, like a chicken with its head cut off. We know it’s painful, and continuing to hobble along through the bad times might seem comforting, but this month you need to muster the courage to sever ties and move on. You’ll emerge stronger, with the structural integrity and dramatic lines of the latest towering, zippy design from Zaha Hadid Architects.

Pisces (February 20–March 20)

Here’s a hypothetical scenario for you, Pisces: It’s 2018, you are London Mayor-elect Sadiq Khan, the addition of a 583-foot-long slide designed by Carsten Höller has done nothing to make Anish Kapoor’s ArcelorMittal Orbit tower more popular with tourists, what do you do? Do you tear it down? Do you commission Ai Weiwei to wrap it in refugees’ discarded lifejackets? Do you plant a cornucopia of giant Isa Genzken flowers at its base to pretty it up? Do you convert it into a public garage for drones? Whatever challenges you’re currently facing, you have the skills to solve them, you just can’t be afraid to look slightly ridiculous.

Aries (March 21–April 20)

Have you paid a visit to Hank Willis Thomas’s “Truth Booth” yet, Aries? Now would be a good time to do so, and not just because it’s on a nationwide tour, but because right now your words are your greatest weapons. You can talk your way out of any confrontation, or talk your way through any problem that arises. Just don’t let that power go to your head and start saying things just for the sake of hearing your own words; if you do, you’ll be no better than Jonathan Jones.