A vast sadistic feast
The only way to exit
Is going piece by piece
Five minutes. That’s how long it took me to figure out that I needed not only to review the Brucennial, but that I needed to review all of it. Piece by piece by piece. I owed it to them, some kind of return gesture. I didn’t keep count. I just kept moving. Somebody else can clean up the mess. As John and Exene sang, “The world’s a mess. It’s in my kiss.” But you know what? It’s in yours too. So, yes, Bruces. That was my tongue down your collective throat. And now my mouth tastes like cigarettes. Thank you.
1. Stephen Wuensch — Chop it up. Let it burn.
3. Eric Kuhl — He lost me until he veered off the canvas.
4. Gabe Buentello — It’s probably better than the Lance Ramba beside it, but the Ramba gave me a warmer, goofier feelings.
5. Lance Ramba — Fucking hilarious. Pic with Vito Schnabel. “With Know Strings Attached” scratched into the glass. Well, honest, at least.
6. Sophy Naess — Minimal. Intricate. Sweet.
7. Osamu Kobayash – Focus. These are sublime.
8. James Gillispie — Oh, man. Not so much. Picasso “Actor” pants closeup with blacklight desires and bad accidents.
10. Ketta Ioannidou — Um, beautiful. I want one. The biomorphic played tight, soft, and everywhere in between.
11. Cisco Jimenez — Socialist realism is still kind of boring. I liked the second one that puts painting in a cage more.
12. Ben Ahles — Hank Hill would LOVE this. I know I did. Normal cubic meters in reverse.
13. Ingrid Sophie Sohram OR is this model/actress Ingrid Sophie Schram? Your guess is as good as mine. — I love the dead. And if you make me refer to Alice Cooper, I love you. Even if you get me there unintentionally.
14. Beth Warshafsky — The words are bothering me. Not that they are words, but that they were the ones chosen.
15. Graham Anderson — Reminds me of a failed Wire cover.
16. Hannah Rowe — I shouldn’t say “Too cartoony.” because it’s obvious that that’s part of the point. But yo, too cartoony.
17. Milo Charney — No piece of art will ever feel more 1975 to me, but I mean that in the best of ways.
18. Unknown — Hilarious but ugly.
19. Perry England — I almost can never get my head around this stuff.
20. Benji Keating — Anybody that makes fun of those damn Otterness subway sculptures is OK by me. I can almost smell the piss.
21. Michelle Scourtos — Sorry, but if you even approach felt art territory I will not like it. Too close to Bible story time.
22. Maya Kishi-Andersen — Yeah. I know. But it’s not my problem.
23. Francisca Benitez — Upper East Side real estate appropriation. Excellent.
24. Phillip Gabriel — Just Sit Back And Enjoy The View. The usual advice from a cad to a victim of rape. The FOX News message on the wall.
25. Alfredo Ferran Calle — It will make you think of all those times you had to cook at camp. Meh.
26. Madeline Hunt Ehrlich — These are lovely. And not without danger.
27. Mitchell Marco (I think!) — Familial film noir. Craft. Respect.
28. Adriana Farmiga — Like the composition but not the craft. Kind of nuts, but not very interesting. And YO! Wendy White wants her tennis balls back.
29. Natalie Shepherd — Sorry. Absolutely no objectivity about art that utilizes the Pink Panther. ROCKS!
30. Anne Rearick — Um. Wow. The subjects are looking at us without their eyes. Sensitive photograph. The way this photo moves. All Yes.
31. Rainger Pinney — Protect yourself. Like that old Twin Peaks ’zine: Wrapped in Plastic. The cold distance.
32. Mitchell Marco — “The Light Around The Body.”
33. Peter Brock — I didn’t like this piece until I saw the picture I took of it. I thought it would have been better without the paint. Wrong. Can’t wait to see it again.
34. Garric Simonsen — Again, like Beth Warshafsky, the words fail me.
35. Eliza Douglas — These are fucking beautiful. A well-cornered world, this. Word.
36. Artemio — Man. Actually liked the photos ’til I saw the line of gimmick that he’s running through.
37. Hilary Doyle — More messy than interesting.
38. Kevin Baker, John Mendelsohn, Jalal Poehlman — All three on the same wall. All three feel like lobby pieces. I’m forcing them to share a number.
39. Rainger Pimmey — Plastic bag sleeping bag standing up tent thingy. Yeah. I know.
40. W.A.G.E. — Wage against the machine. But I have no faith in protest, so whatever.
42. Mitchell Anderson — Stickers remind me of nuclear war. On the right track, this.
43. Matthew Lutze-Kinoy — Swoopy swirly. Meh.
44. Unknown — Like an old David Salle painting, but with with a fear of the visual non sequitur.
45. Unknown — Crafty fail.
46. Unknown — Another piece I liked until I saw the gimmick. Just paint. Get your head out of your mouth.
47. Malado Baldwin — Like I said, just paint. Fucking great. The color. The line. Purple mountains majesty, motherfuckers. I want this.
48. Dustin Yellin — Um. Amazing. Great execution and mystery. Seriously fucked up.
49. Unknown — Made me think of the first Kate Gilmore I ever saw, but I liked that. Why preserve?
50. Shura — No-a.
* * *
NOTE: There are a number of works in the show that are unlabeled. Please let us know if you can ID any of the unknown artists, or if you have any spelling corrections or link updates.