Opinion

Work of Art Recap: Naked Pixxx, Generally Too Much Information on the Artists Sexual Histories

Some of the work from last night's "Pop" episode. (images via bravotv.com/work-of-art)

This week’s Work of Art begins with the arrival of our intrepid artistes at the Phillips de Prury auction house. They follow a line of tin cans until low and behold! A mountain of tin cans! Next to one Andy Warol’s soup can paintings! Guess what kids, it’s time for a Pop art challenge!

And off the artists, go, with their ludicrous time and budgetary restrictions. Lola reveals more of her love for the Sucklord, and the fact that she’s single (get it gurl). Young Sun Han gives Tewz an art history lesson for children. The artists flit about, each giving a definition of Pop art that is different, yet the same. For this challenge, I made up a fun drinking game: take a shot of lead-based paint every time an artist utters the phrase “mass-produced.”

Kymia promptly gets naked for her piece, which makes me miss Sexy Jaclyn and her “I am going to use my sexuality for feminism, or wait am I just saying the sexxxts I send are art” pieces. Dusty tells a typically touching story about his family. I feel like mocking a Southern man named Dusty who repeatedly talks about his beloved Southern relatives is kind of like kicking a cancer-ridden teacup pig, so I’ll leave that one alone. The Sucklord reveals that he is attracted to Lola (duh, she’s super hot) and says he has a girlfriend who will cut his balls off when she finds out. Let us pray she cuts of his rattail instead.

Michelle starts work on what’s pretty much a copy of any Standard Andy Warhol Stock Piece, and all the other artists talk about how “derivative” it is. Because all of their work is brilliant! But uh-oh, we can’t have another Keith Haring-Sexy Ugo fiasco on our hands.

Surprise! The winner of this challenge gets to appear in Entertainment Weekly, which I guess is the equivalent of Artforum for those who appear on Bravo reality shows. The Sucklord continues his reign of awesomeness by declaring his blatant famewhore-ishness. The truth shall set ye free. But wait! Bad news! There will be a double elimination! There are collective gasps.

Dramatic music and bitchy commentary fuels the working action along! Simon stops by and basically tells most people that they suck. Surprise, surprise.

Back at the Ikea/West Elm showroom in which the artists seem to live, Tewz reveals that he masturbates with his left hand because he uses the right one “for the computer.” Lovely. Bravo’s “You can’t spell tears without A-R-T” campaign really adds to this show’s art world cred. The Sucklord declares that nerds are cool now, and in recent years he’s gotten laid all the time. I can see it. Dear God, am I also falling under the sexy spell of the Sucklord? Has his rattail wormed its way into my heart? I’m hoping this is a case of late-night recap insanity.

Gallery show! I hate pretty much every piece this week except for Lola’s, with its cute King Tut puns, Sucklord’s witty Charlie Sheen thing (which probably seemed a lot more relevant when the episode was actually filmed, pre-America’s OD on Tiger Blood), and Kymia’s slick advertisement-like photo (I did find it interesting that Bravo censored her photographing herself, and then felt no need to blur out her naked bewbs). I also enjoy Sara Jimenez’s reference to dating but actually one-night stand site OKCupid. Bayeté’s fused photo just looked like a vaguely ethnic white lady (he should work for Time!), and was my least favorite piece.

When the judges call out artists for the crit, it’s no surprise to hear who’s on the bottom. Leon, Dusty, Michelle and Jazz-Minh (how it pains me every time I must type her name) pretty much sucked and blew. Bayeté got by on immunity. I’m fine with Kymia being on top (it allowed Bill Powers to give us the gem of a pun “product displacement”), but ignoring the Sucklord (FINE, I LOVE HIM), was so stupid. He was the only one who actually made Pop art! Get it together, Jerry!

Young Sun Han’s piece was way obvious (pretty much the theme of the episode), and bright and looked like a label on a package of nice shampoo or something. I love me some Young Sun Han, but he said absolutely nothing new about Prop Eight or gay marriage. So of course, he wins!

In the end, Jazz-Minh is sent home for an incomprehensible photo series that the Sucklord spilled paint on. Give her a break, the woman’s name is Jazz-Minh and she grew up on a commune. Pop artist she is not. Proving that BRAVO is not afraid to chuck out an inspiring disabled person, Leon is eliminated for a piece on capitalism that looked very similar to a collage I did once in tenth grade photo class. I really did like Leon! May you both live long and prosper.

Stay tuned for next week, when SJP pops by and sets the artists up with children. Considering last week’s obsession with pedophiles, who knows what sick pieces shall come of these pairings. Should be a fun episode!

Work of Art: Season Two appears on the Bravo TV network every Wednesday at 9/8c.

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