The artistes with car parts (via

We open with our artistes bonding on their bonding couch that they always bond on. They mourn the loss of the Sucklord, until they remember that Dusty had promised Young that if their team won the previous challenge, Dusty would wear Young’s short shorts. A disturbingly sexually charged montage follows. This show is so fucking weird.

Challenge time! The artists have to make pieces incorporating at least one element of a Fiat. They show work and inspiration stuff. I am getting to the point where I look forward to the commercial breaks featuring the demon fetus of the “Twilight: breaking Dawn” trailer.

Dusty covers his entire face to make a mask and tells Kymia to come get him in seven minutes to peel it off. And Kymia forgets about him for an extra five minutes, depriving him of precious oxygen. It is far more hilarious than it should be. Later, wild high school photos of Sara J. are revealed (eyeliner less impeccably applied), and Lola is revealed to be a witch. Like, an actual witch, who’s Grandma teaches her spells. I change my mind. This is the best episode ever.

Simon comes by! His accent always makes me crave Brie cheese. this is not good, as it was just Thanksgiving. He likes Sarah K.’s, which is nice because her piece is A) good, and B) deeply personal, and dedicated to her father who recently died. He tells Lola that “as usual, I am not impressed by most of you at this stage.” Understatement of the year. Anyway, he totally bums out Lola who hugs Sarah K. and it is all very sad.

They show a Pier 1 commercial with talking Christmas ornaments that gives me nightmares. And the trailer for the new Diablo Cody movie! It looks really good, almost as good as Jennifer’s Body. Sexy porno Armani ad!

Back to the art! Simon hates everything. Shocker. A lot of the artists start to change things. Lola traces a picture of herself. Isn’t that sort of poor form for an art show? Everyone talks about how Young has made the most money, and Lola says she “feels like Tonya Harding.” A witch who channels Tonya Harding? Someone please get this woman her own reality show.

Michelle is struggling and sad. This makes me sad, as Michelle is talented and very nice. Sleep. Then more art! Artists, assemble! Everyone works, work work work!

Works by Sara (left) and Michelle (right) for their product placement challenge (via

Gallery show! Liz Cohen is a guest judge, which is pretty appropriate. Dusty and Young are safe! I’m kind of surprised, considering Dusty’s tire on paint thing was really boring, and Young’s robot thing was weird and great.

The Sara/h’s are on top! Both pieces are lovely. Sara J.’s sculpture, which as Bill Powers says, “looks like the exhaust from Superman’s car,” wins! Yay! She can afford to go to grad school! Wooooo!

Lola, Kymia and Michelle are on the bottom. Oh no. I smell drama. Lola cries when Jerry tells her she’s repeating herself. Which she is. Kymia is on trial for her machine that didn’t work with it’s pretentious title and overwrought explantation. Shockingly, there are no tears.

Michelle’s silly paper car sculpture is also up for elimination. Her alternate piece where she painted foggy windows of a car from couples making out was way, way better. Jerry attacks by declaring that it was surprising that she out of all people, considering her traumatic car accident, made such an impersonal piece. Whoa Jerry. Way to stick the knife in. Someone had his panties in a twist.

Michelle is sent home. The lovely, talented, beloved Michelle. I don’t want to talk about it.

Stay tuned for next week, when the artistes do some sort of crafting fair and Lola and Kymia continue their bitch war. Hopefully spells will be cast.

Work of Art: Season Two appears on the Bravo TV network every Wednesday at 9/8c.

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Jocelyn Silver

Jocelyn Silver is a 2011 Hyperallergic summer intern originally from San Diego, California.