Wolfgang Hite, “XXX-HY: A Luxury Dildo Experience” (2019) (all images courtesy Wolfgang Hite)
This month saw a new insertion into the annals of phallic architecture, as design studio Wolfgang & Hite unveiled a line of architecture-inspired sex toys, meant as a poke to the latest wave of development porn taking place along New York City’s Hudson River. XXX-HY is touted as a “Luxury Real Estate Dildo Experience” — a scale-model set of architectural sex toys adapting and reimagining each of the new buildings at the Hudson Yards as an erotic accessory. The full set of custom-molded silicon toys fits snugly into a scaled replica of the entire 28-acre development. When you think about it, this is exactly the kind of design innovation that can disrupt an entire industry: sure, we go into buildings, but what if buildings could go into us?!?
Dildo modeled after 55 Hudson Yards.
“There’s a lot to love in NYC’s recent building boom, but the city and developers have been jerking each other off for decades, so naturally we wanted to join in the fun,” the product’s promotional materials announce. “Masturbation is a great metaphor for the latest wave of development in New York City.” Certainly anyone who thought the designers of The Vessel should kiss their ass — given the protests against the Hudson Yards centerpiece’s ableist design — can get a chuckle out of a ribbed silicon butt plug that lets people take The Vessel far past first base.
The Vessel buttplug, to fully access pleasure.
I have to wonder, though, who is the target audience for these Hudson Yard vibes, brainchild of a design team made up of Nick Meehan, Greta Hansen, Shan Raoufi, and Sage Dumont? Horny realtors? Frustrated city planners? Personally, I like my private time to be about my needs, and not the bigger-is-better showboating of people obsessed with their erections — architectural or otherwise. Hopefully XXX-HY can provide emotional catharsis for developers and city denizens, alike.
From Hudson Yards to your backyard! The XXX-HY is ready to serve.
“Yes, we the taxpayers have already been robbed billions in taxes and municipal bonds for private development, so it’s time to absorb the benefit,” their website states. Wolfgang & Hite has apparently sent a full set of XXX-HY to the New York City Department of City Planning and Steven Ross, chairman of The Related Companies, the real estate firm behind Hudson Yards, effectively setting a new gold standard for suggesting someone to go fuck themselves.
XXX-HY is available from Wolfgang & Hite.
I thought this when I visited.
Same with Trump’s jerk off along the Hudson, north of 52nd.
Monolithic phalluses obstructing views, with no aesthetic add to the neighborhood. Reflective flat surfaces – a commentary on our obsession with self.
Some lubrication would be nice at this point.