MIAMI BEACH — I don’t need to tell YOU this, but to go to the Hyperallergic Aqua Art Miami party is like entering a topsy-turvy world where black is white, up is down, left is right but sometimes down, too. My point is that Hyperallergic parties can be strange.
Last week I was asked by the editors at Hyperallergic to fly to Miami and document the attendees at their Aqua Art Miami party. Of course, at first I was insulted and hung up on them.
You know, speaking of the Fall Openings Season, students often ask me whether there is any particular etiquette regarding how an artist should behave at openings.
How is this possible? I had every intention of turning off my “sexy radar” and avoiding another love crisis. Especially after the last gallery assistant made such a show of her capriciousness. But what am I to do? The heart wants what the heart wants and my heart is no different than anyone else’s heart in as much as it wants what it wants too, only a good deal more so.
Whenever I do a grad school visit, the question I’m most often asked is “How do I get a gallery?” It’s never “Oh! How are you Mr. Grossmalerman?” or “ Would you like to feel how soft my freshly washed hair is?” No! It’s always “How do I get a gallery?” So, by this anecdotal evidence I’m simply going to have to assume that this question weighs heavily on the minds of the young artist. I mean, I suppose you do have to ask yourself “What good is an artist without a gallery?” Not much!
I would first like to make it very clear that I am not writing this out of jealousy or any sort of hot gay sex envy. Alright? Now, with that out of the way.
After a long night of questionably consensual love making with a dead-eyed heavily accented spectre I was awoken by the ship’s steward.
Well, did I ever have an exciting and downright adventurous Armory week!
Recently, I stumbled into a post opening party where a number of fellow painters were squabbling over the the age old question of which paint tastes the best. If you’re not a painter you may not be aware of this long running argument. But, I suppose every subculture has it’s points of contention.
I would like to begin by thanking Hyperallergic for allowing me to reach out to their readership about this exciting opportunity. I, Jonathan Grossmalerman, am looking for a new studio assistant.