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# Two Poems by Joshua Jennifer Espinoza
- URL: https://hyperallergic.com/two-poems-by-joshua-jennifer-espinoza/
- Published: 2017-07-26T11:00:54.000Z
- Updated: 2025-11-24T16:40:59.000Z
- Description: Our poetry editor, Wendy Xu, has selected two poems by Joshua Jennifer Espinoza for her monthly series that brings original poetry to the screens of Hyperallergic readers.
- Author: Wendy Xu
- Tags: Poetry, Hyperallergic Poetry, #wp, #wp-post, #image-position-hidden, #Import 2025-11-24 07:30(2016, 2017, part 3)

![](https://storage.ghost.io/c/51/f8/51f871d8-b6be-4a73-b958-0ca4fff0110a/content/images/hyperallergic-newspack-s3-amazonaws-com/uploads/2017/07/butterly_solid-stand_2016_clay-glaze_5-875x6-25x4-375in_1_300dpi-.jpg)

Kathy Butterly, “Solid Stand” (2016), clay and glaze, 5.75” x 6.25” x 4.25” (image courtesy Kathy Butterly, Tibor de Nagy Gallery, and Asya Geisberg Gallery)

## HOPE

If you die in real life do you die in the dream?

Big song of love fill me.

Vision of communal bliss fill me.

All these things that don’t exist

and yet are imagined

and so do.

Opening, fluttering, windowless.

Outside of the body there is something like hope.

## WAKE ME UP WHEN MY GENDER ENDS

I am here to tell you I have failed to perform gender once again  
spending another day indoors hiding from the world

choked up over the television show where the audience guesses  
if subjects are *men in disguise* or *real women*.

I suppose I mean to say the word *tranny*, innocuous in its execution  
bloodless until you read the news or live inside it

always-forever at the tip of everything’s tongue, too messy to retreat  
into its bed to slumber and let us be.

My mistress is silence herself. I think she might be a god or at least  
godlike in the wonder she possesses

unlike static, unlike breathing, unlike thoughts that race with the urgency  
of living in a lawless body.

Who is real? Who is allowed to be real? Who speaks themselves into  
existence? Who dreams? Who has words

that froth and boil over with meaning? To fail at this is to soar  
twice, three times as high as any manmade structure.

So why talk shit. Why make the light hide from itself. Here I am on  
the couch with my legs crossed, being alive.

Here I am absorbing the words you have for me, epoch of panic  
future of a disappearing woman.

\* \* \*

Joshua Jennifer Espinoza is a trans woman poet living in California. Her work has been published in PEN America, The Offing, Lambda Literary, The Feminist Wire, West Branch, and elsewhere. She is the author of two poetry collections, [*i’m alive / it hurts / i love it*](http://www.boost-house.com/store/im-alive-it-hurts-i-love-it?ref=hyperallergic.com) (boost house, 2014) and [*THERE SHOULD BE FLOWERS*](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1937865738/?tag=hyperallergic-20&ref=hyperallergic.com) (Civil Coping Mechanisms, 2016).