“Burger Chair” by Seletti, retailing at Bergdorf Goodman for $4,950 (cushions not included). (image courtesy Seletti)

As any art collector will tell you, you can’t put a price on the singular aesthetics and pedigree of an artist like Claes Oldenburg. Unfortunately for us plebeians, Oldenburg soft sculptures are far beyond our reach. So where, I ask, can the humble among us with $5,000 or so dollars to spend on a chair get a “Floor Burger” of our very own?

Great news, guys. Bergdorf Goodman to the rescue!

Claes Oldenburg, “Floor Burger” (1962) on display at the Museum of Modern Art. (Hrag Vartanian/Hyperallergic)

From Seletti, Italian retailer of luxury designer home goods, comes the “Burger Chair” — a fully functional and sittable soft sculpture for those with a discerning eye for delicious décor. As Oldenburg himself knew all too well, no one likes a plain burger, so you’ll want to accessorize with gherkin, cucumber, or tomato cushions (sold separately) to complete the homage. Cucumber on burgers, as American as late-stage capitalism!

Of course, while this represents the answer to one dream, it raises another impossible conundrum: what coordinates with an Oldenburger? Babies, do not worry, Seletti is not about to leave you out in the cold; there is, of course, a “Hot Dog Sofa,” with room for all the cucumber cushions you can cram on there. That sweet number retails for just $7,100 at Bergdorf’s, meaning you’ll want to realistically budget $14,000 for the whole set, because Claes wouldn’t want you to skimp on the tomatoes. Still such a bargain, you practically can’t afford not to buy it! Your friends may whisper behind your back, but they’ll still line up to take selfies on your Oldenburger, so fuck ‘em.

Few are bold enough to feature this kind of statement piece in their living room. The statement being, “I am over-resourced and insane.” (image courtesy Seletti)

Start saving your holiday dollars, and make this one a Merry Claes-mas! Happy shopping!

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Sarah Rose Sharp

Sarah Rose Sharp is a Detroit-based writer, activist, and multimedia artist. She has shown work in New York, Seattle, Columbus and Toledo, OH, and Detroit —...