Astrological Aesthetics: January 2016 Horoscopes
Hyperallergic’s horoscopes offer astrological advice for artists and art types, in art terms, every month.
Hyperallergic’s horoscopes offer astrological advice for artists and art types, in art terms, every month.
Capricorn (December 22–January 20)
The end of 2015 was almost as bad for you as it was for the FBI’s art crimes unit, Capricorn. The 25th anniversary of the Isabel Stewart Gardner Museum heist came and went, and nary a new lead materialized. Scraps of information — like a tipster claiming the only living suspect has been lying all along and a search of a possible stash for the 13 stolen masterpieces — turned up nothing. So much hard work and they, like you, are no closer to achieving their goals. Don’t sweat it though, take this month to regroup and plan your year; 2016 will be better — it just has to be.
Aquarius (January 21–February 19)
You don’t need to tell us, Aquarius, we already know that your year is off to a great start. We know it because the stars told us so, but you also haven’t been shy about informing the whole world of your breakthrough — your new painting technique, your new fabrication process, your new understanding of art history as a cyclical process rather than a linear succession of Modernist epiphanies, etc. Whatever it may be, for goodness sake keep a lid on it, or Richard Prince or some other asshat will steal it.
Pisces (February 20–March 20)
Have you ever seen that Tino Sehgal piece, “Kiss” (2007), Pisces? The gist of it is that two dancers roll around on the floor making out, replicating the poses of various famous artworks that show couples kissing as they go. It’s a little sentimental, but then again so is a lot of Sehgal’s work, and pretty much all of Italian art since the fall of Futurism, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is that you should behave like a “Kiss” performer this month: you will be attacked by competitors and betrayed by close friends, but none of it should trouble you or have any kind of lasting effect, just keep doing what you’re doing.
Aries (March 21–April 20)
It’s 2016, virtually every sex act imaginable has been rendered in art countless times, yet you still occasionally see something so irrepressibly hot and unctuously erotic that it sticks with you. This happened to us a few months ago, when we were visiting a very good museum with a rather academic collection, and came across the large and languorous Fidencio Lucano Nava marble sculpture “Après l’orgie” (“After the Orgy,” 1909). That could be you on January 31, Aries — this month your erotic karma and charisma are at peak levels, so have fun.
Taurus (April 21–May 21)
The biggest event of 2015 in the New York art world, hands down, was the opening of the new Whitney Museum building. But do you have any idea, Taurus, for how many years Adam Weinberg and company had been working on that project? We’re talking decades. Well, this month is the ideal time for you to start laying the groundwork for the huge, transformative project of your life. Doing so will have the added benefit of giving you something constructive to focus on when one of your closest friends betrays you.
Gemini (May 22–June 21)
We racked our brains to come up with a good cautionary tale this month to explain to you that you should avoid taking any dramatic decisions, making any grand gestures, or orchestrating any elaborate events, but damn it Gemini, ancient and recent art history are full of them. Even the lowly and loathsome Dan Colen, whose grand gesture was to tip over a row of motorcycles moments before the opening of his first solo show at Gagosian, is still around and getting by. Oh wait, maybe that’s it — you don’t want to be the next Dan Colen, do you? We didn’t think so; better put off any big tasks until February.
Cancer (June 22–July 22)
Pop quiz, Cancer. Imagine you’re a mid-level collector of contemporary art who bought into the New Leipzig School painters in bulk, and not just the evergreen Neo Rauch, but also Matthias Weischer, Martin Kobe, Christoph Ruckhäberle, and all the others. Now that their moment has passed and the works’ value (Rauch notwithstanding) has plummeted, do you dump them all in a hurry like a Pollock of questionable provenance, or do you hold onto them and wait for market tastes to come back around? Well? If you answered the latter, you are correct — now is not the time to abandon long-hedged bets.
Leo (July 23–August 22)
This is a period of Picasso-esque prolificity for you, Leo, and you’ll have no trouble cranking out top-quality work at an impressive rate and making good on elaborate plans and projects through the end of the month. Yes, we know, it’s fantastic. But, when the stars are no longer in your favor, you might find this pace impossible to keep up, so try to temper your productivity a little bit. Or, at worst, leave a few finished pieces wrapped up and undated, and start bringing them out when your creative juices run dry.
Virgo (August 23–September 23)
There are two types of art galleries in this world, Virgo. There are the galleries that, when the spring or fall season gets underway, launch into it with a blockbuster show by one of their hot new artists that opens on the first suitable day for a reception. And there are other galleries that like to play it cool, wait a couple of weeks for the early-season frenzy to die down, and then calmly open a show by an artist they’ve represented for decades. Right now, you are more like the former; you’ve got a clear advantage over your competitors, who are still recovering from the holidays, so stock up on boxed wine and PBRs and make something happen.
Libra (September 24–October 23)
What was your New Year’s resolution for 2016, Libra? If you answered anything other than “try new things,” you made the wrong resolution. So quick, refund that new gym membership, hit the art supply store and pick up some materials you’ve never worked with. Or pull up your local art school’s website and sign up for a class on a process you’ve never tried before. Aquatint? Computer-aided design? Casting? Weaving? Anything new you try will lead to overwhelmingly positive results, so there are no wrong choices — except sticking to what you know.
Scorpio (October 24–November 22)
We’ve used our astrological insights to figure out what the big contemporary art trend will be this year, and guess what, it’s not slides — as one person forecasted. It turns out 2016 will be the year of art cutlery. As a kind of antidote to all things complex, large-scale, and virtual, artists will rediscover humble, tactile, utilitarian, and eminently sculptural eating utensils as a fitting format for individual expression. Why are we telling you this? Because the stars also indicate that you’re going to have a really shitty January, so we wanted to give you some help. Now get out there and design the most glorious spork the world has ever seen, Scorpio.
Sagittarius (November 23–December 21)
Not all Yayoi Kusama Infinity Room installations are created equal. Some, like the darker ones with all the colorful suspended lights, make you feel like an astronaut floating untethered through the disorienting vastness of space. Others, like the ones with big red dots and all-white mannequins, feel more like stumbling into a window display at the Gap on Black Friday. We forget why this distinction came to mind … Oh yes! Don’t make your life more complicated than it needs to be this month, Sagittarius; break out your Gap wardrobe and keep things normcore.
