Crack Epidemic Hits Washington Icon
WASHINGTON, DC — The crack epidemic in the Nation's capital reached new heights yesterday when the news came out that the Washington Monument has a crack problem. The monument has been closed indefinitely and rumors are that the Congress is attempting to secure a room at Betty Ford for the 555 foot
WASHINGTON, DC — The crack epidemic in the Nation’s capital reached new heights yesterday when the news came out that the Washington Monument, one of America’s most iconic forms, has a crack problem. The monument has been closed indefinitely and rumors are that the Congress is attempting to secure a room at the Betty Ford Center for drug and alcohol rehabilitation for the 555 foot object.
When reached for comment, the neighboring Lincoln Memorial suggested that he had noticed there was a problem a few years back but was afraid to say anything since he’s been consumed with his own problems with the landlord for years. The new Martin Luther King, Jr Memorial was shocked by the new development, which took the thunder out of his own unveiling this week, but added, “we’re all in this together, white monuments, black monuments and red.” When reminded that he was a white monument, MLK clarified that he was referring to the Vietnam Memorial.
No one appears to know when the Washington Monument’s crack problem began but an anonymous tipper sent us a link to a tweet from last year by former DC mayor Marion Barry, who himself was arrested in the early 1990s for smoking crack. Barry could not be reach for comment at the time of this posting.
The National Mall spokesperson said they are all concerned for the monuments safety and they are reassured by the outpouring of support from across the country and around the world. She added that they are in talks with the Smithsonian, and the National Gallery of Art in particular, to not display any art by Rob Pruitt, Terry Richardson, Dash Snow or any of “those kind” of artists. “It’s probably best that the Washington Monument isn’t around temptation,” the spokesperson said. She reminded reporters that the Washington Monument was not the only Washington landmark to have its problems exposed in light of yesterday’s earthquake.
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