Louvre Museum to Install Locks on Doors After Heist
Visitors will be checked for bobby pins and paper clips, which pose the greatest threat to the new "state-of-the-art entry inhibition protocol," the security director said.
The Louvre Museum said today that it will install locks on its doors for the first time in history, marking the Paris institution’s most significant security upgrade since changing its password from “louvre” to “louvre_lol123” in the aftermath of last year’s brazen heist.
At a press conference this morning, Director Marianne Cestperdu acknowledged that in trying to make its collection accessible to all audiences, the museum had made it “too accessible … like, ‘climb-through-a-window-and-drive-off-with-the-crown-jewels’ accessible.”
As a result of the theft that shocked the world last fall, when robbers made off with priceless items in broad daylight in under seven minutes, the museum said it is now adopting a “state-of-the-art entry inhibition protocol” that will involve doors and windows being locked after hours.
“Previously, any little champignon could scamper into our galleries and make off with a Renoir or a Louis XIV portrait or a je ne sais quoi,” the Louvre’s security director, Monsieur La Fenêtre, said at today’s conference, twirling his mustache as his eyes glimmered with excitement.
“Before, it was like: ‘You get an art, and you get an art, and you get an art!’” he continued, gesturing wildly, in a puzzling reference to that one viral 2010s Oprah Winfrey meme.
Visitors will be checked at the entrance for bobby pins, paper clips, and anyone sneezing too hard, which the museum’s security director said pose the greatest security threats to the new system.
“But even these next-generation entry circumvention apparatuses cannot deter us from doing what we do best: ensuring the safety and integrity of the French patrimony,” Cestperdu said.
The institution worked with a group of New York City landlords to find the most secure lock options. Hyperallergic has acquired an exclusive rendering of the prototype considered for the upgrade, illustrated above. The image was leaked by an anonymous staffer in an email with the subject line, “Mais c’est quoi cette merde?”
The locks are expected to be installed sometime in 2029.
