The Spherechain, the newest breakthrough in the crypto space (graphic by Valentina Di Liscia/Hyperallergic)

It seems every day brings a new breakthrough in the rapidly changing, ever-fascinating crypto space, from shiny new currencies and non-fungible tokens (NFTs) to increasingly sophisticated money laundering strategies. Crypto investors can look no further than the latest technological advance: the Spherechain, a new ledger for those who think the blockchain is too square.

“It’s exactly the same as the blockchain in that it also promises transparency and democratization,” a spokesperson for the Spherechain told Hyperallergic, adding that “neither actually lives up to those promises.”

One analyst for Deutsche Bank said that “it’s easy to see now what was holding back the blockchain.”

“The blocks were too blocky,” he continued. “Now that the blocks are round, we’ll finally realize the unlimited and untapped potential of this radical technology.” 

With its soft, curved edges, the new ledger can host a variety of tokens, perhaps most famously its native currency, the CoinCoin. And unlike the blockchain, which depends on energy-extensive mechanisms that harm the environment, the Spherechain network will be “completely green,” investors promise, though they could not at this stage share details of the “proprietary globular technology.” Coal miners in Khazakstan have already begun ramping up mining efforts in anticipation of energy demand. 

Already dubbed the “Blockchain killer,” the Spherechain has begun to amass a significant following. However, critics say the new system is unwieldy.

“We can’t really stack them anymore,” said one detractor, who holds a large stake in the blockchain. “And no one knows where the Spherechain begins or ends.”

Artists accustomed to minting NFTs on square or rectangular blocks are also struggling to adapt to the new ledger. Well-known digital artists like @b0redchair134 have taken to Twitter to complain that the circular blocks roll off the easel, and collectors say they are much more difficult to hang on the walls of their metaverse apartments.

Nevertheless, the Spherechain recently hit a $20 billion valuation in its latest funding round, with major contributions from the Michelin Man, Humpty Dumpty, and a school of blowfish who previously felt unrepresented in the crypto space. 

In an interview, a blowfish told Hyperallergic that it was refreshing to finally have a ledger that looks like them.

“We’ve come full circle,” it said.

A Spherechain representative said the company is currently operating out of a WeWork in Miami but will soon be moving to an offshore headquarters in the Cayman Islands for its white sandy beaches and pleasant work culture, adding that the move “has nothing to do with tax evasion.”

Valentina Di Liscia is the News Editor at Hyperallergic. Originally from Argentina, she studied at the University of Chicago and is currently working on her MA at Hunter College, where she received the...